| "I'm so high, even ben stein can't cure my red eyes" |
[11 Aug 2008|07:15am] |
...not really, I actually haven't smoked in weeks. that's just a sample of the new invader stuff that jake's been coming up with I'm really impressed with alot of the instrumentals we just need to make them into real songs.
suzy is behind me sleeping in my bed, I'd normally be sleeping with her but I'm really not tired plus I have to work tonight so I should really work on getting my sleep during the day. she's pretty cute though. I'll probably cuddle up to her after I type this. she has to work at 12. I'm going to make her breakfast.
I just had to wash an overflowing sink of dishes that I didn't dirty. my current living situation is really irritating. I really can't wait to get a place with jake.
me and suzy and possibly mr. west are going to new york city at the end of this month. I'm really excited about it, I've never been there.
for as much as I bitch about things, life is treating me well. I almost feel too lucky.
|
|
| trained military veterans |
[24 Jun 2008|06:32pm] |
If I was actually trying to sleep right now, I'd be pretty pissed. The kids upstairs are literally making my desk shake with their running around and pounding. I hate living downstairs from idiots.
Life has been treating me generally well lately. My birthday was on friday and it was one of the best birthdays I've had in a while. Suzy took me to shogun for dinner, besides the spectacle of the guy cooking everything in front of us with his ninja skills, the food was really good. My parents threw a little cookout party for me at their house which was nice. I got a bunch of friends to come over, it was a good time. I had fun frosting cupcakes with suzy and putting a swastika on one. It was nice to see samm for the first time in months, drunken fuck you mike west was a pleasure, jake and kelly were there which was awesome, matt and heidi brought me rambo, I snuck bowl hits with ben while my parents were around which was pretty intense. The best part of all was just being with suzy, she made me feel really special and I had a great time with her, she's a sweetheart. I am now 25 which means I must go get my prostate checked in 5 years.
So my aunt calls me and tells me about how she talked to the guy that owns seneca blueprint, a printing place downtown and he wanted me to come down and talk to him about a graphic designer job. so, yesterday morning I go there and all that really happens is I fill out an application and give them my resume and leave, turns out the guy I was supposed to talk to was busy and couldn't talk to me that day. I'm hoping to get a call soon, or maybe I should call him? I don't know. I just need to get out of my shitty overnight porn store shithole job. I was originally planning on staying at that job and going back to school but I just want to make money.
Me and jake are looking at apartments right now. it's ok living with slack and lindsey and tone but I need to go elsewhere. I'm tired of living this lifestyle of someone that's just settling for what's comfortable, it's just not comfortable to me anymore.
I just watched the documentary "jesus camp". It's gotta be one of the most insane and disturbing things I've ever watched. It's basically about a camp where these christians teach little kids to be crazy religious freaks. I like how every single evangelical christian type I've ever come across tries to act like they're so happy and fulfilled and free when you can clearly see that they have some serious issues plus they're usually weird looking. No one turns to god just because they feel like it, it always comes after some horrible event in their life like a death or a near death or and accident or something that just scares them. It's a coping mechanism and it's a quick solution to the fear of death and the fear of the unknown. Christians are always up their own asses thinking they know everything about the universe and looking down on everybody else thinking about how they need to save them. I think the most insane thing is that these people love george bush. The fact that this crap is being shoveled into young children's minds who really have no idea on how the world is and at a young age they're having these jesus shaped glasses welded to their heads is just disgusting. I could go on forever about this but just watch jesus camp, it's a good watch.
on that note, I'm out. gonna try to get a little bit of sleep before work. I'd like to write in this thing more so some feedback would be nice. k, peace out.
|
|
| changes |
[08 Jun 2008|08:34pm] |
|
lots of things have changed within the past months, it's really crazy. I wish I had time to tell the whole story but basically things are good and there's still alot more things to come. ken's mom passed away today. I feel really bad but he seems to be handling it well. I guess it's good that she's not suffering anymore. I'm trying to overcome my weaknesses when it comes to taking life by the balls but I have this constant fear of things and making wrong choices. I feel odd today and I wish my house was cleaner. I really need to cuddle my girlfriend, life is perfect when I'm doing that. I've been reading bukowski, his words are great and his perception of women is messed up. I should be outside talking to my family now so I will go. I should start writing in this thing regularly when I get internet back....I hate money.
|
|
| I know you might roll your eyes at this, but I'm so glad that you exist |
[14 Apr 2008|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enthralled |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the weakerthans |
] |
I have a girlfriend. her name is suzy and she's amazing. last night we went to see her favorite band, the weakerthans. I had a great weekend with her. and there isn't anything I wouldn't give right now just to hold her....
|
|
| the thrill of it all |
[31 Mar 2008|04:15am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Aphex Twin - hexagon |
] |
I met a girl named suzy. she makes me smile. I am happy.
|
|
| happiness where are you? |
[25 Feb 2008|11:50am] |
so here goes another cheerful entry by me. I've been sick since thursday and I still feel terrible (sore throat, mucus, vomiting). I've also been doing research on depression and it seems like that's what I have. I really think I should talk to my mom about it so maybe I can get treatment. I don't have insurance like most people in this country so I don't know. I really need help though . I think about killing myself at least once a day. that's the god's honest truth. I'm not trying to get attention and I'm not trying to make anybody feel sorry for me, that's just how I feel every day and I don't know what to do about it. my outlook on the world is so bleak it makes me sick. I called off of work at jim's today because I don't want to be hacking mucus into people hoagies. I feel really bad about it because josh is a really good guy, probably one of the nicest people I know. he told me to take some vitamin c pills and sleep it off. I'll probably do the sleeping part. I had to buy a new house phone today because I smashed the other one in a fit of anger. the fact that tracy is starting to see new people drives me crazy. I'm just jealous and if I can't be happy then nobody can, apparently.
I just bought myself a brand new pc with a dvd burner and jake gave me all this software for making music. I've been trying to absorb myself in that. I just can't focus, it's like I have all these great ideas when I don't have the resources but when I finally get them, I have nothing. I just don't feel like I have the talent or ability that I tell myself I do. I want to make art and do something I can be proud of and have something that I can look at and say "I created that" and be respected for it and have fun doing it along side my best friends. sadly, I have no faith in myself to get up and do these things.
Last night I decided that I wanted to move out of here. I placed all my stress and hatred on tracy just because she's trying to live her life and I'm stuck in this depression that never goes away. I don't even take care of myself anymore, I look like a bum all the time and I rarely leave the house. I approach everything in life with a negative point of view. everyone's an asshole, everything sucks, nothing is worth anything to me, everyone hates me or is making fun of me, if I hear someone in public laughing, they're probably laughing at me. when I was a kid I never thought that I'd end up being fucked up in the head like I am.
In other news everyone should watch the movie "happiness" it's really good. If you're into dark/sad comedies, you'll like it. I'm all about it right now.
oh, yeah. I'm done doing these types of entries. next one will be a happy one. I hope.
|
|
| suture up your future |
[23 Jan 2008|09:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
First post of 2008. 2007 was a shitty year for me, I was unhappy most of the time and it feels like it went by so fast that I didn't even have time to fix anything. the good thing about last year is that I got to play a couple shows with audiology even if one was at a restaurant and the other was at jake's 16 year old cousin's birthday party, they were fun times none the less. when john left the group it kind of put us at a standstill and caused me and jake to try and come up with some new material and now there's talks of us doing stuff with mike west singing. the main thing is that I need to get off my ass and make these things happen but when you have two jobs and a fucked up sleep schedule, it's not easy. my main reason for going back to steakout part time is to save up for a new computer. I want a decent pc with windows, now that I'm no longer a graphic arts student I'm done with macs. me and tracy were at the mac store yesterday and it was the first time I really had no interest in them. To me it's like a super expensive, pretty computer that you can't do everything on. My computer now is terrible. it's an old imac that I've had since 2001. flash 8 isn't compatible on it so alot of flash based websites don't work so no more newgrounds, my itunes won't hold anymore songs and if I try to add anymore, it freezes. I can't watch any video online unless it's an mpeg, if I try to look at someone's myspace and they have too many things on it my computer will freeze. when it freezes I have to reach in the back and unplug it and plug it back in and it takes like 5 minutes to start back up. frankly I'm amazed that I can play diablo on this thing even with the fact that it lags alot.
besides having to work alot work is actually pretty fun, even steakout. I get to see cool people like josh and matt and heidi plus I'm on the jim's steakout bowling team which means that every thursday we go to voelker's across the street from me and I suck at bowling. I'll get better the more I play though. Nights at the porn shop with ted are fun we just sit around and smoke pot and act silly and I get the little work I need to do done and I get out of there. and on the nights I work alone I do nothing but read, I just finished "The Rising" by Brian Keene. if you are into zombies and gore and crazy action, you must read this book. it ends with a cliffhanger and I need to get the second part called city of the dead. fuck yeah,BOOKS!
I'm taking this exam next month for a graphics arts job for the county. it's basically a civil service exam just to show them that I'm trainable. I think I fit the criteria for this job and it pays $17 and hour which would be amazing.
I played dungeons and dragons a couple weeks ago with ben and a bunch of people from the megahertz house. it wasn't that fun until we actually got to battle some monsters then it was pretty exciting. I won't bore you with
tracy and compton now live here which is good because she makes sushi and she drives me places. compton is awesome and he really is alot more better behaved than he used to be.
I bought marc ecko's "Getting Up" for ps2 yesterday, you're this dude that wants to be a grafitti artist and you roam around tagging shit up and fighting rival graf teams. it's a good game and it has a sweet soundtrack and the main character is voiced by talib kweli.
I haven't really been into anything new musically, mike lent me the newer queens of the stone age which I enjoy alot.
I want to go see down next month
yeah, my hands are freezing, I'm gonna go.
|
|
| for real |
[14 Dec 2007|12:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
going to rochester tonight with mr. west to see thrice. woo.
|
|
| seems like I can't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time today |
[25 Nov 2007|04:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
this past week has been pretty rough. yesterday I finally accepted that my cat, zombie is dead. so, last saturday night/sunday morning I let him out just as I usually do whenever he whines at the door to be let out. sunday passes, monday passes then tuesday morning I wake up and I'm like "where the fuck is zombo?" so I go work my shift at jim's and I'm kind of worried about him because it's the longest he's ever been gone and I just have this bad feeling so on wednesday me and tracy go to the spca because he was neutered there and they have him on file there so I fill out a missing cat report, the lady takes us in the back and none of the cats are him. thanksgiving comes, I go to my parents house and use their printer to make some flyers. at 4am friday I wake up and put one on all my neighbors porches and put one on all the light poles. later on that day I get a call from some guy claiming that he saw my cat dead in the street on monday and it was a little black in white cat. after that I was pretty upset but I didn't believe him totally. friday night I worked at the porn store with tracy we got into a fight with this asshole that called us knuckleheads, we totally make him look like and ass. I go home that morning, sleep for maybe a half hour and I get a call from the spca it's this really nice lady asking if I've found zombie yet I tell her no and she tells me about this guy that lives near me that feeds stray cats and that I should talk to him and then I tell her about the guy that said he saw zombie dead and she told me that it sometimes people like to play pranks and torment other people and I shouldn't believe it. she gave me tha number to the city animal shelter to give them a call just incase because they're the ones responsible for picking up deceased animals. so I call the animal shelter and I get put on hold for a long time and I ask if they keep records on dead animals that they pick up and she told me that they keep records of the location and the type of animal but not a description on what the animal looks like so I have her read off the list of addresses and the very first one she read was 762 amherst which is like 6 or 7 houses down from me. and my heart dropped and I knew it had to be him. that prettymuch addeded it all up for me.
I cried for a long time and I've hardly slept for the past couple days. there's alot of history with that cat. we had him since he was a tiny kitten. he was born under mike's bed, we picked him to be our cat when we got our apartment in the proj. he was a fiesty little bastard and we knew he would be alot of fun. my very first night living away from home, I was sitting in my living room by myself watching a fistful of dollars and I was really uneasy and little zombie comes by and curls up on my lap and he made me feel alot better and since then I loved him. everybody that came over always loved our cat. I think the problem was that we got him fixed too late and he never lost his wildness and he was always obsessed with getting outside so as hard as we fought it he was going to be an outside cat no matter what we did and when he lived with mike in orchard park he was outside alot and when mike gave him to me he clawed a nice big hole in the window screen and he was outside all the time since then. and even with his wildness he was still a very loving cat that would still hang out with you and lay on the couch with you and meow and scream at you and he could almost talk, it was funny. I gotta say, in his 3 short years with us he got to do alot of stuff and got to play with a bunch of different cats and dogs and he got to roam and hunt and bring me baby rabbits and do whatever he wanted. I'll never forget zombo, he really marked an era for me and I'll always miss him. he was the best cat ever.
|
|
| gimpity gee grimpity goo |
[18 Nov 2007|04:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
aphex twin-milkman |
] |
so fred bought an xbox 360 the other day, everybody in my house is pretty obsessed with that thing now, my life is pretty much comprised of working, smoking pot and playing video games. I rented manhunt 2 for the ps2. I didnt really wanna bother with the wii version. it's a great game it's about as good as the original manhunt, it just has a few different features and the story is completely different. I had a good night hanging out with people, I got to see compton pug, he's so big now but he still has that chompy face. I had a good hangout with jake. we had a good talk about movies and music and what kind of music we want to be making. I'm supposed to hang out with stuart on tuesday which will be fun. life is good for now. except for when I get headaches, I've been getting them alot lately and they last all day. I hope I'm not dying.
|
|
| the grimp |
[05 Nov 2007|05:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nauseated |
] |
so, I was at work last night and I noticed that we now carry the faces of death series for some insane reason. so, I had nothing else to do so I decided to watch them. the first faces of death isn't bad at all just some fake staged stuff for the most part, it's pretty campy, nothing worse than any horror film, the most disturbing thing is the slaughterhouse scenes where they show where meat comes from it's actually alot worse than the videos peta puts out.
so I then watched faces of death 2 which is probably the most morbid thing I've ever watched and it's not because all the deaths in it are actually real (which they are) but because of the social commentary it delivers when it comes to things like pollution, overpopulation, poverty, disease, war and the impending apocalypse. this movie came out back in 1981 and the same things are still going on almost 30 years later and it's even worse now. plus there's a scene where dolphins are being slaughtered for food. there's also some lovely animal experimentation footage.
I try to be optimistic but goddamn.
|
|
| the behemoth!! |
[20 Sep 2007|09:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
as some of you may know, I work at an adult video store. and while working I find myself laughing at the titles of some of these movies so out of pure boredom I went around the store and wrote down all the funniest titles I could find.
( click )
more titles will be added at time goes on and as the moral decay of the world continues to increase.
|
|
| danger danger, it's the graveyard chamber |
[19 Sep 2007|10:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
I just woke up from a reall scary dream, it was like one of those super realistic ones when you wake up and it takes you a minute to realize that it wasn't real.
I was at some party with all my family and matt rich was there and it was a party at a cabin in the country and we decided to go out wandering and we found this delapidated (sp?) old farmhouse and we broke into it. it was really dirty and full of cobwebs and we went into the basement and it was this big industrial catacomb with steel walls and pipes shooting steam and it was all dark and shit and we kept seeing this haggard old woman and there were creepy voices and sounds and we could hear people screaming for help. so we found this doorway that was boarded up so we kicked the old dusty boards in and there was this black dude in the room and he was totally normal he had like hip hop gear on and he was like "I gotta get the fuck outta here". so we decided that I'll take the black dude upstairs and matt will stay down there and search around. so i brought the dude back to my family party so he could have some food because he said he was starving and I asked him how long he'd been down there and he was like "3 years, man".
so then I brought my cousin joe and my uncle carl with me back to the house to get matt and when we went in the place was going nuts like furniture was sliding around and tentacles were coming out of the walls and it was just crazy. out of nowhere this blond chick comes running up from the basement screaming and she falls to her knees and shes all covered in dirt and crying.I ask her "where's my friend?" and she doesn't answer me. but then I see matt running up the stairs and there's this huge demon face encasing the doorway behind him. he had a lantern in his hand for some reason like he just got back from this epic quest and I grabbed it and threw it on the floor and a fire started and we gathered everybody up and got out of there. and the house was completely on fire and I looked at one of the windows and the old lady was there with both hands scratching the window with her mouth and eyes open super wide just staring at us. and we went back to the party but for some reason it was on a suburban street now instead of a cabin in the country.
so, thats all I remember, I know it sounds like a bad dark castle movie but it was a pretty scary dream.
|
|
| yeah.....about that |
[18 Sep 2007|05:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tone playing transformers game on wii |
] |
look I'm updating. life has been pretty laid back lately. just been hanging around the house watching tv most of the time.
the big family camping trip was last week. you really can't get my whole family together without someone arguing or something going wrong, it was fun still. tracy came with and we slept outside in a tent both nights because it was like 90 degrees in the cabins. I got drunk the first night, I was sick the second night, and it downpoured on the last day. good times.
speaking of sick, I've been getting these horrible bouts of acid indigestion that are so painful its almost debilitating. and it happens no matter what I eat. sometimes I get it so bad that I puke, it's like my body just wants to get all that acid shit out of me. it's bad. I don't know whats wrong with me.
the other day, me and tracy were going to the walden galleria and there was this guy was sitting on the side of the road with a sign that said something like "on the road, hungry, peace, love" and we stopped and gave him 3/4 full bottle of water, it was a decent size bottle too, he seemed pretty happy. then as we were driving away some guy in a semi honked at us and threw us the peace sign so that was pretty cool.
I'm glad it's starting to get cold again. its the time of year when my cat wants to hang out with me more.
I bought a pair of skullcandy headphones, they're prettymuch my favorite thing right now. they're big and awesome and they sound great and they have a compartment in them that has a bottle opener. yeah, that's right, a fucking bottle opener. they sound great with my turntables too. I want to get a small chillin couch to put by my turntables so I could lay down and listen to records and read or whatever. there's a bunch of stuff I wanna do with the apartment. I want to get a coffee table for the living room and some shelving to put video games on and I want to finally get a fish tank.
bully is a sweet game
I'm going too see twiztid and ill bill on the 26th. ill motherfucking bill. I hope jake still wants to go.
my driver's license expired in june so now I need to go to the dmv and get it renewed. I hope they don't make me take any tests or anything, I just kind of assumed they would send me a new one.
yeah, I dont feel like typing any more, peace.
|
|
| wow |
[21 Jun 2007|07:13am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sm- I don't think these songs had titles |
] |
I found a copy of the very first scary monsters of the fruitbat cd, (the weird one with just me and shawn just messing with keyboards) and I decided to listen to it and it's freakin awesome! these songs rock, it really makes me miss old times. I wanna make music like this again.
|
|
| ... |
[19 Jun 2007|08:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
team sleep- ataraxia |
] |
for some reason, I like to ignore everything good that I have and envelop myself in everything that makes me miserable. I also have a fear of doing things that will equal me bettering myself in some way. and for some reason I'm super nice and considerate to people I don't know yet I neglect my family and I'm a dick to my girlfriend. I also like to pretend things aren't possible eventhough they very well are, it just takes a little work. I need to stop being lazy because I'm just going to end up with regrets.
blah.
tomorrow (jun 20th) is my birthday. I'm 24. woo.
|
|
| elrond hubbard |
[12 Jun 2007|02:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
seeing the deftones + watching lord of the rings rifftrax = great day.
can't get enough of those scientology jokes.
|
|
| goop |
[05 Jun 2007|03:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mercyful fate- welcome princess of hell |
] |
soooo, the past few days have been fun, I pulled a double the other day at work, 16 hours straight. I did some fun stuff like watch a bunch of movies, and I drew a cool picture of a ninja. while watching zombie, I decided that I'm going to get a water tattoo featuring a shark fighting a zombie. I think I want to have cooper do it. you can't stop me. so after an eight hour break, I had to go back to work again and I had a nice boring night with ben. we were all bummed and it was blah plus it's like 800 degrees in that place.
I went to look at an apartment with tracy this morning, she's trying to get an apartment with just her and the dog which I'm cool with because I'll be able to come over her house and do laundry and hang out and we'll have our own space. the apartment was really nice and cozy and the kitchen and the living room were one room. just not sure if she'll be able to afford it.
so, I just got a phone call from some collections lady regarding my verizon wireless account that I haven't had in way over a year saying that I owe them $928. this is from an account that I owed about $300 to and when I tried to contact them to pay, they deleted my account from their website and stopped sending me any mail and I havent heard anything about it until now. apparently this extra 600 or so comes from "penalty fees". she said I couldn't settle to pay it in payments and that I had to pay within the next 48 hours or else I'm going to be getting a court summons. she recommended I take out a payday loan if I can't borrow from anyone. I called my mom about it and told me to call them back and tell them that I will only pay what I originally owed and in installments and if they can't settle on that then hang up on them because they're just trying to scam me and scare me into paying what I really don't owe. so yeah, that sucks. I'm just worried this is going to screw up me going back to school. plus I also owe stuart money still. I'm stressed.
on the plus side my apartment is being fixed finally, getting new windows, we also just got a new porch so I'm really happy about that. and I'm sure fred is too.
I'm working tonight then I'm helping ben move into matt and heidi's apartment in the morning, then band practice tomorrow night.
tracy just brought me some chinese food. gotta love a girl that brings you dinner.
add ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) zombierx that's my other more weird journal.
k, the dog has to pee so I must go. peace
-b
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
